After a Scary Situation While Solo Parenting at the Beach- I’m Still a Confident Mom Who Believes There is Nothing I Can’t Handle
“You’re brave to be here by yourself with three kids”, a woman said to me as I was wrangling my six and four-year-olds with my 20-month-old on my hip. The beach has always been inside my comfort zone as a place for me to parent solo. I never thought about it as risky, despite both the potential embarrassing situations that come with being so outnumbered as well as the worst-case dangers the beach poses. These risks range from mild, managing public meltdowns due to sand in places it should not be or a various number of other meltdown inducing factors- to more severe, life-threatening issues. I’m talking undertows and sharks, which are seen regularly and are known to inhabit this part of the Gulf of Mexico. I have always believed my boundaries, as far as what I can handle as a parent were limitless. I know my kids, their quirks, their needs, and their limits. They knew good behavior would be rewarded with Shirley Temples. There was no situation I could not handle.
As far as beaches and kids goes, this one is ideal. It’s a private beach club with a restaurant and bathrooms a short distance away. We were set up at our spot with cabanas, umbrellas, lounge chairs, and a tote bag full of snacks. To be clear, we were not roughing it.
The June weather was beautiful, and the plan was for me to have a good energy burning morning at the beach with the kids while my husband worked.
Growing up on this beach and bringing my kids there for years, we were all very familiar with Clam Pass, a landmark in the area. Class Pass is where a forest of mangrove trees in swamp land meets the Gulf of Mexico. Because the marsh area is set back from the actual beach, a channel of water was created, and it separates the beach we were on from the public beach by about 30 yards. Some days, it has a current so strong, the dolphins have a hard time swimming against it and other days, it is as still as a lake.
There is typically a zero-entry there, and my older two, even if there is a current, are able to run and jump in, and climb back out with no issue. I was a walking a few feet away with the toddler, looking for seashells. After playing for a while, I realized my little one needed a diaper change and I tried to convince the others to head up to the bathroom with me. I told them we’d come back to Clam Pass afterward. “No”, was the obvious reply from my strong willed six-year-old. He was having too much fun. Figuring I’d give them a few more minutes to play, before not giving them a choice about whether we left, I picked up a few more shells and handed them to my toddler. This was when I heard their screams. I turned around to see both of my older kids in the channel of rapidly moving water hanging on branches of the mangrove trees. The water close to shore was moving faster than anyone realized and had carried them down the pass. The beach, which typically creates a walk around the trees back toward the marsh, had eroded. I couldn’t easily get to them, and they couldn’t get out. The only person within earshot on our side of the beach was a man on a walk. He had his back to us with ear buds in. I yelled at the kids to hang on tight and I ran after him, quickly explained my kids were stuck in the pass, and threw my youngest in his arms.
I was a Division 1 College Swimmer, who runs and lifts weights regularly. There was no way (I thought) I wouldn’t be able to easily grab them and help them swim against the current back up to the beach. But the moment I got in, I quickly realized how strong the current was and even I struggled to not get swept away. I made it to a branch near them and as I looked across the pass, I saw a bystander on the other side waving and yelling to me that there was beach on the other side and so I knew then, that it would be okay to let go. I grabbed onto my four-year-old and told my six-year-old to let go, and together we rode the current down toward the marsh and around the bend, where the current eventually died and we were able to exit safely.
Among the many endearing qualities of my third child is his lack of stranger danger and I was never more thankful for it than in that moment. The man met up with us on the other side of the mangrove trees and I immediately noticed my little one, sitting contently on his hip. I thanked him profusely for his help, and he assured me it was nothing, he has grandkids just like this, and he was glad we were all okay.
As we began to walk away, I saw him circle back to the water, and begin to wash off his leg. It was then I remembered the needed diaper change and cringed as I thought about how effective those swim diapers actually are.
I think it is important to give ourselves grace as parents, and to learn from our experiences. I learned that there is a limit to what I can take on in an environment that changes, being outnumbered by kids so little. Also, that it’s okay for me to be confident in my parenting, because if I weren’t, we would have spent that beautiful day inside. After the scare on the beach that day, we had Shirley Temples, and talked about how it would be okay, as long as we were careful, to go back to Clam Pass tomorrow. I still think as a Mom I can do anything, only this time, it just took a bit of help from a stranger who didn’t mind getting some poop on his leg.