How I Adjusted to Being a Stay at Home Mom

There is undoubtedly, an adjustment that occurs when becoming a mom for the first time.

After spending years in school and in the corporate world, there is an inevitably an adjustment which occurs when becoming a stay at home mom. There is adjusting to both of these changes at the same time. The latter two topics were not covered during the 8-week, pre-labor and delivery hospital course my OB recommended, and therefore were not on my postpartum radar. It was around 6 weeks postpartum when my hormones began to chill out and the realization set in that I was not going back to work. Ever. No more office, no more paycheck, no more happy hours, no more pencil skirts, and no more energy or attention focused on anything but my colicky, nocturnal, cluster-feeding, weak-stomached little bundle of love. When the baby was born, the life I knew was forever changed. But in that moment, I realized that without my career, the life I knew, was actually gone.

I walked

And walked and walked. Sometimes for miles, and sometimes just to the end of the block. When I couldn’t stand to be in the house a moment longer, as long as it wasn’t raining, we walked.

I found stay at home mom friends close-by

My munchkin wouldn’t latch easily or feed peacefully unless the stars aligned, so the three- hour feeding cycle felt like a ball and chain to my couch. Some days, particularly in the early days, a trip to the mall or the store was just out of the question as far as what I could handle mentally, and where I would be accepted by society physically. However, a trip to the other side of the neighborhood- in sweatpants was do-able, most days.

I learned to eat whatever was in the fridge

And was grateful for it.

I tried to take advantage of resources

Baby-watch was included in my gym membership. An hour of alone time, two or three days a week, I found, can be completely attitude changing. It was valuable, and it was appreciated, even if it was time spent sweating buckets while on the StairMaster.

I stopped playing the blame game

And I started to accept that my husband and I both have roles. He, by continuing to work, was only doing what we both had agreed he should and needed to be doing for our family.  It was only when I stopped resenting him for continuing on with his career and his life outside of the home, and blaming him for my unhappiness, that I finally became more accountable for my feelings, emotions, and behavior toward him. It became clear that I was the one who needed to cope, find or create my own happiness, and make the necessary changes that I needed to make.

I tried finding meaningful balance

It wasn’t in the Housewives of Beverly Hills, or in my online shopping cart. I looked in both of those places. Although in moderation, I believe social media and reality TV can be a good, mindless way to check-out after a trying morning, I realized that spending all of my highly coveted nap time there made me feel empty and unproductive. I found my balance by reading, writing, and cooking.

I accepted it can take a while

Creating a new life that primarily exists between the same four walls and ceiling, with a human I barely knew, took time. And time is a difficult thing when there are three-hour feeding cycles, sleepless nights and witching hours. Days and weeks blended together, and nights were endless. Just when I thought that this stay at home mom life wasn’t possible for me, the baby slept, I showered, and we settled into a routine. I had adjusted, and in that moment, all was right in the world.